


The voices in my head I think are not my own

by Deanpala



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Not Hunters, Gen, Mentally Ill Dean, Protective Sam, Schizophrenia, Schizophrenic Dean, Season 1, Very AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-23
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:11:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9562655
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deanpala/pseuds/Deanpala
Summary: Season one. Dean may or may not be schizophrenic, but who can tell? VERY AU.





	1. Tom and Cas

"So how was your day Dean? Anyone new come around?" Sam asked Dean over the dinner he had prepared them both.

Dean shook his head. "Still just Tom and Cas, no one else yet."

"Well that's a relief. Did they have to say anything important?"

"Well Cas wasn't around for most the day. Tom tried to convince me that you were gonna poison me today," Dean scoffed at the thought "he's an idiot if he thinks Id buy that."

Sams lip twitched up in half a smile. Nothing big, he hadn't truly smiled since Dean had first met 'Tom' and 'Castiel'.

"Well it's good to know that you trust me more than him. How'd you know I'm not a demon or whatever though?"

"Are you messing with me Sam?"

"No, I just know that you believe in them whether or not I keep telling you they don't exist. So what swayed you?"

"Demons go bloody. Plus you don't have the black eyes like Brady."

Sam let out a long suffering sigh. "Dean, we talked about this. Even if demons were real, Brady wouldn't be one. You've been saying he's one since the moment you met him and he hasn't tried to do anything right?"

"Yet."

"Dean-"

"No, I get it you don't believe me and its cool. I wouldn't believe your crazy schizophrenic brother either. Good night Sam."

Dean stood up from the table quickly and started toward his room.

"Dean, I'm-" the bedroom door slammed. "Sorry."

Annoyed at himself for bringing demons up again when he should have know better, Sam busied himself locking away anything sharp Dean might do harm with.


	2. Pills

When Sam got back to the house the next day, Dean was curled up and wouldn't move.

To most people this would be concerning, but Sam was use to it. He moved over to Dean and gently maneuvered his limbs into a more comfortable position.

It was over an hour until Dean started moving again and Sam hadn't left his side.

"Sam? When did you get here?"

"A little over an hour ago."

"So I did it again?"

"Yeah Dean. And you know what I found in your trash can?"

Dean didn't answer, which was answer enough.

"I found all your pills. We talked about this; you HAVE to take them if you want to get better!"

"How about you take them so that you can puke your guts out and have random muscle spasms while it does nothing!" Dean stated angrily.

"Dean-"

"No Sam, you and I both know that these things work for half the people that use them. It's been over a year, and they're supposed to kick in within six weeks. They're not gonna do anything."

"Okay."

Dean looked up at Sam in surprise "Okay? That's it?"

"Yeah, I mean you're right. They won't work so there's no point right?"

Dean just smiled at Sam.

"Thanks."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sitting in odd positions, not reacting to outside stimuli, and sometimes mimicking sounds and movements are from a subdivision of schizophrenia known as catatonic schizophrenia. I am not one-hundred percent certain about how many people antipsychotics work on I believe it was fifty percent but I am having a difficult time finding it so apologies if I am wrong.


	3. Salt

Despite Sam and Dean peacefully settling the issue of the pills, the afternoon was not for Dean.

Dean was trying SO hard not to react in front of Sam. It was difficult with Cas not being able to shut up.

"Dean."

Speak of the devil.

"Dean. The salt. You NEED to salt the doors. The demons are coming for Sam. You have to protect him."

Dean finally snapped "SHUT UP!"

Sam looked over at Dean with a concerned look "Dean? What's wrong, who is it?"

"It's just Cas Sam."

"What's he saying?"

"The salt. He wants me to salt the place."

"You know you can't listen to him Dean."

"I KNOW, but he won't leave me alone."

Cas got in the way of his line of sight to Sam.

"Please. If you don't set up the protections they'll take him."

"You leave him out of this."

"Do you want Sam to die?"

"Stop it. Please- just stop it."

"Not until I know you're safe."

"Gosh dang it! Sam, grab the salt!"

Worry took over Sams face.

"You know I can't do that."

"Please Sam. Just the salt. Just to make him leave me alone."

Sam let out a sigh. "JUST the salt ok?"

Cas finally went quite.

"Just the salt. Thank you."


	4. Psych ward

Within a couple of days, Dean had gotten worse.

It was nothing that big to start with, just him talking more to people who weren't there.

But then Sam came home one day to find Dean bleeding and a sigil on the wall.

It had taken them three days before they let Sam see him again.

"Sam, can you do me a favor?"

"Yeah Dean, sure. Anything."

"Don't come back."

Sams heart skipped a beat and his jaw dropped.

"Dean, wha- did I do something? Cause if I did im sorry."

"You didn't do anything Sammy. I just- you have a life. You need to move on."

"No. no way, I'm not leaving you here like dad-"

"Dad has nothing to do with this. You have a serious girl friend, you're in college-"

"Screw college! If I they have a problem with me visiting you, then I guess I'm dropping out."

"Sam-"

"No. I'm gonna visit until they clear you for release and then I'm taking you home."

"Ok. Don't miss that interview of yours tomorrow."

"I won't."

"Good. You'll do great Sam, I know it. Now go visit Jess, you haven't seen her for awhile."

"Ok"


	5. Fire

Sams review went exceedingly well. He really wished he could tell Dean about it but the wards visiting hours were over so that wasn't an option.

Sam wanted to tell someone though, which lead him to Jess's apartment.

He immediately knew something was off. It smelled like sulfur and smoke and Sam couldn't help but think of Deans rants about demons.

He knew they weren't real but that didn't stop him from running into the apartment as fast as he could.

When he got into her bedroom, she was on the ceiling, bleeding.

And then she burst into flames.

Sam couldn't move. He was shocked beyond belief, just screaming her name over and over again, forgetting about his own safety and thinking only of her.

He would've died if not for the hands that grabbed onto his shoulders and dragged him out.

When he turned around to either punch the person for dragging him out and letting Jess die, or thank them for saving his life (he didn't know which urge was more overwhelming) he was surprised to come face to face with Dean.

"Dean? How- how did you get here?"

The next words out of Deans mouth were even more shocking.

" Cas brought me here."


	6. It's complicated

"Cas? Dean, Cas doesn't-"

"- I know he doesn't exist or isn't supposed to or whatever, you don't have to tell me that, try telling him though."

"But Dean, how?"

"He told me you were in danger and when I couldn't break out of the ward he zapped me over here."

"So this is real? Cas, Demons, all of it?"

"I don't know. I mean, I don't think Tom is real. Unless you've been trying to kill me without telling me about it."

"No, of course not but- Cas is real. The demons are, I mean you warned me something was going to happen so what's happening?"

Dean shrugged and looked over at what appeared to be thin air.

"Dean? Is that- Is that Cas?"

"Yeah, I think he knows more about this than me. Gimme a sec to listen to him okay?"

"Yeah go ahead."

It was quiet for about five minutes before Sam couldn't take it anymore.

"So? What did he have to say?"

Dean looked confused as he answered.

"He said I'm definitely schizophrenic."

"But-"

"Give me a second that's not all. Because he's real."

"Sorry what?"

"Okay, so he says that certain, very special people can perceive his true visage."

"But what does that have to do with your schizophrenia?"

"He says his presence can be….. overwhelming for lack of a better term. That the special people being able to perceive what can't be seen along with his overwhelming presence can lead to problems."

"So the supernatural stuff that you've been seeing is all real?"

"Yeah."

"But you're still schizophrenic?"

"Yes."

"How do we know what's real and not then?"

"I don't know, we'll just have to work it out. Maybe Cas can help, he has a weird mojo thing going on where he can tell if there's evil nearby."

"And you trust him enough to tell the truth?"

"He hasn't steered me wrong yet has he?"

"Okay."

"'Okay?' that's all? You're taking this rather well."

"I just watched the love of my life die to a demon. I'm ready to get going."

"So what, we just hunt down all the monsters of the world? Is that your plan Sammy?"

"Yeah."

"Then let's get going, we have work to do."


End file.
